OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just tell him i said nine months
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
