i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize