I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
