meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is that strawberry winking at me??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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