names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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