dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
