a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
