OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
