im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize