i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
