haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize