he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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