come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i believe in u and ur pee
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
