so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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