There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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