Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
