i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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