I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
