i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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