Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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