We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
