OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
