you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
