Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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