hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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