i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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