so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
