names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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