cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
