Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize