I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
