Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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