Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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