matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
