Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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