A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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