is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
