I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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