Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
