The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
