the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
