you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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