she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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