Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
