Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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