He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
