Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
