onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
love makes seman taste better
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
PANTIES FOUND
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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