Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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