There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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