There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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