you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
