trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
