oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
