I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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