I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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