No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
