Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
