Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
