My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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