next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
