Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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